December 31st

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I can’t believe it is the end of another year. Tomorrow we’ll wake up and it’ll be 2025.

I’m writing about it because tomorrow will be 20 years living in San Francisco. And I’m still homeless.

Drugs control my life now. Nothing else matters. Absolutely nothing. I need to get high every day on several different types of drugs.

In the morning it may be crystal meth and at lunch (or a couple hours of consuming meth) it’ll be marijuana or heroin. I smoke weed several times a day even though it is destroying my brain.

I can’t function when I’m on drugs. I become a zombie with a blank stare and since I need eye glasses but don’t have any my clothes are almost always dirty. They look fine to me, but I can tell the way people look at me with disgust or fear that I’ve offended them somehow.

Nearly half a century ago someone told me, “One of these days you’re going to wake up and be 60 years old and you’re going to wonder where the time went.” I’ll be 60 in June 2025, and I’m already wondering where the time went. Time has been on my mind lately, for sure, but I’m more concerned about how I managed to waste my entire life doing drugs.

2 responses to “December 31st”

  1. Travis Henry Avatar
    Travis Henry

    There are a lot of life-long addicts so you’re not alone. I’ve been hooked on heroin for more than 30 years and I still have a job, etc. Don’t beat yourself up too much and keep up this blog. It’ll help you sort through your life and addiction.

    1. websites Avatar

      Thank you for the great advice. Sorry about the late reply. I’ve been on a binge.

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